Not-To-Do List?

I commented recently on a friend’s business Facebook page regarding a video about, prioritizing; making a “not to do” list.  The speaker made the point that sometimes children approach with things that are clearly, not something you are going to interrupt your time to do.  My comment was that sometimes the unimportant things your child approaches you with, are really important to them!  I really do agree with this man, because with all that I have to do, I do routinely say, “no, we are not doing that right now, to my child.”  But sometimes I look at the activity and find it unworthy of my time.....then I look at the CHILD and I say, “okay, let’s do that.”

Children are important.  I think that many parents are at a disadvantage because their children are away from them 8 - 10 - 12 hours a day. How can anything in the remaining 2-4 hours be unimportant if it means spending time with your child?  

I feel like I have the advantage.  I homeschool.  I am with my children for most hours in a day. Please don’t think that homeschool kids and moms are home 24/7. My kids do go out to activities, visit friends, and on field trips with me and on their own, but I don’t have the limited time with my kids that many parents have.

I do a lot of things.  I own 4 dairy goats that must be milked each morning and evening along with other care that they need periodically.  I make my own soap and cheese. I have chickens and ducks.  A garden in season. I run a non-profit homeschool organization of 250 families.  And, I homeschool my children.  People ask me, how do you do it all?  I would say the answers are:  routine, delegation, flexibility, and multi-tasking. 

Routine:  

I do have an every day routine.  Goats are milked morning and evening at the same time (roughly) every day.  Chickens and ducks are fed and watered as well.  I eat breakfast.  Check email.  Make my bed.  I shower and get dressed every morning. The dishes are washed and put away. I have homeschool time with 10 year old.  Dinner is prepared (or reheated.) These things happen every day.  

Delegation:  

I have trained my kids to do basic chores.  I have not succeeded in making them do them on their own, but they will do anything I ask them to do with a relatively good attitude.  I delegated putting the dishes away to my daughter this morning while I showered.

Older children are responsible for their own school work.  Much of this depends on them.  Not all of them are the best time-managers.  Some things are undone, some things are behind, and some things they are ahead on.  I am trying to re-instill routine in them to get them on track with everything, but they are old enough now to do school on their own and they do.  One of them is in college and doing well; she is completely on her own.  Two of them are taking a CCRI class and they complete their assignments without my intervention. This shows me that much of their schooling can be delegated to them confidently.

Many of the events, tasks, and planning for the homeschool organization I run, are delegated away.  I merely need to make sure that the events are delegated to trustworthy volunteers.  I said recently to a speaker at our Conference that I was nervous about it and she said in jest, “oh, is that tomorrow?”  That was not something I was concerned about.  I find people I can trust and I give them a task and then trust that they will do it.  No one has failed me yet (that I can recall!)  Church events are the same, if I ask someone to cook for a Fellowship lunch, I just trust them to do so.  If I trust someone to cover games for VBS, I am confident they will. Again, no one has failed me yet.

Flexibility:

Today was a flexible day.  Homeschool routine with 10 year old was postponed so that I could do some things that become urgent at this time each month, namely, the homeschool organization newsletter and paying my bills.  I was awaiting a few items for the newsletter and kept putting my daughter off.  Fortunately, she is very good at self-entertainment, and in an educational way. 

And Multi-tasking:

I managed to do 1/3 of my daughter’s schoolwork with her while I was waiting for someone to call me back about the newsletter (they forgot about me!) and I paid my bills while I was waiting for another call. Once the newsletter was taken care of and bills were paid, my 10 year old and I went to run errands and to the library.  Now school is done.  It is later than usual, but today had to be a flexible day and I am happy to have completed some of it in what I originally thought was going to be wasted waiting time. 

So, in re-reading this, I am thinking that I sound really unorganized.  There is truly a balance between structure and flexibility, especially when things are ever-changing. I often wonder how women and men who work outside of the home do it.  How do YOU do it?  I want to ask.  How do you spend quality time with your children?  When do you go to the dentist?  When do you do your errands?  When do you make your dinner?  The structure of having a job outside the home leaves little flexibility for those things that you just can’t put off in life.....some things just can’t go on the “not to do” list.

(Now, to be fair, I should have my next post be a not-to-do-list!)

     

In the Crosshairs

So, I went out for coffee/dessert with a bunch of homeschool moms last night.  We talked about a lot of things, but at one point, we were discussing those homeschool kids who had left the nest and some were asking, “how has their experience been out in the world?”  I have a daughter who is a freshman in college and where I have not heard too many shocking world-exposure experiences from her, there have been a few.  Another woman at the table was sharing some real horror stories that her children had experienced at college and in the workforce.  When we asked her, “wow, really?  So, what do you do?”  She said, “I pray.” 

This morning, I woke up and next up in my reading was Psalm 11.  As I read I thought....wow, she was right, we need to pray.  And, I think God is telling us that our children are in the crosshairs. 

Psalm 11
New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
    For the director of music. Of David.

1 In the LORD I take refuge.

I take refuge in God and no where else. 
  
 
How then can you say to me:  
   
“Flee like a bird to your mountain. 

2 For look, the wicked bend their bows; 
   
they set their arrows against the strings 
to shoot from the shadows
at the upright in heart. 

3 When the foundations are being destroyed, 
   
what can the righteous do?”

Those around me and even I am thinking these exact things: run away, hide!  Bring them back home!  Look they are just sitting ducks, targets for the evil one!  The wicked have their bows poised in the dark for those who walk upright!  What will happen if the foundation we have laid falls?  What can Christian parents do?

Now just to clarify, Christians do not think they or their children are “righteous”. We are sinners, our only righteousness comes from Christ.   When I think of the righteous in the Psalms, I think it applies to those who are following God and seeking to obey His word as it would apply in the Old Testament.  Even David was a sinner, yet he referred to himself as righteous because of his relationship with God.  The righteous would be the opposite of the wicked who are: 1) attacking God and His People,  2) not striving for righteousness as God has defined it.

4 The LORD is in his holy temple; 
   
the LORD is on his heavenly throne. 

He observes the sons of men; 
   
his eyes examine them.
5 The LORD examines the righteous, 
   
but the wicked and those who love violence 
   
his soul hates. 

6 On the wicked he will rain 
   
fiery coals and burning sulfur; 
   
a scorching wind will be their lot. 
7 For the LORD is righteous, 
   
he loves justice; 
   
upright men will see his face.

Whew!  That’s right, “In the LORD I take refuge!"  He is on His throne and He sees all that is happening and examines each one, righteous and wicked alike.  We can pray to Him when we see arrows pointed at our children.

I suppose, a lesson to those with children still at home, be diligent to teach these things:  that God is our refuge, that He is on His throne, He sees all, He is righteous, He is just, and upright men will see His face  AND PRAY.  Be the person that your children “flee” to for coaching and guidance when that time comes.  An interesting point observed last night, was that these young adults had informed their parents of these experiences they had had.....they were not afraid to come home (or call home) and say, “hey, mom and dad, this is what I heard and saw today.”  Be so close to your children that they are not afraid to share something shocking with you.

It’s hard to sit by and not intervene, but these are our adult children, even if they are still somewhat dependent on us, they need to know that God is in His temple; He is on His throne. THEY need to grasp that God watches the sons of men, both righteous and wicked.  And THEY need to know which group they identify with and follow that path themselves.  Hopefully, they have believed on Jesus in their own hearts and minds and are clinging to Him as they face the world, and if they aren't, we can pray for them.

In the LORD I take refuge.....

The LORD is in his holy temple... 
the LORD is on his heavenly throne.
....
He observes the sons of men.....